(True story yesterday at the mid valley mega mall) There is a seat next to the maniquine model yesterday and I wanted to seat there. I said: I wanted to seat there Wife said: You are too ugly to be a model I said: In life most people are ugly. Just a dose of reality
by Eddie Soh
June 01, 2015 at 11:21AM
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Sunday, 31 May 2015
Guys, I think everyone on The Simpsons has jaundice :(
Saturday, 30 May 2015
[puts cone of shame on dog] ME: (to dog) sory buddy DOG: (to all other dogs in neighborhod) BOW DOWN TO LORD FLOFFYTON HEARER OF ALL BARKS
I ended the relationship with her after I checked her browser history and found hundreds of video game walk-throughs. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran, 1923 “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran, 1923 “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
by Eddie Soh
May 31, 2015 at 12:49PM
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May 31, 2015 at 12:49PM
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Friday, 29 May 2015
U know u r stressed when you use tv remote to turn off the air cond....
One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain. - Bob Marley
me: I'm going to bed early tonight. me: me: is that the sun
Thursday, 28 May 2015
The ocean isn't shark-infested. It's the ocean. That's where sharks live. We aren't supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean.
They found the charred body rolled into an old carpet, locked inside the trunk of a burned out car. The police suspect foul play.
Wednesday, 27 May 2015
Tuesday, 26 May 2015
There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and from my wife seeing a lizard.
A man’s got to know his limitations. Unless he’s in a relationship, then he’ll be constantly reminded.
I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
Monday, 25 May 2015
"You gotta be shitting me!" - undigested corn kernels.
Sunday, 24 May 2015
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor's house is genius.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
Saturday, 23 May 2015
Nobody warned me that my child could possibly develop an attitude similar to mine.
Went to the doctor the other day, he told me I had to stop lap-dancing. I asked him why and he said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
If intelligence runs in your family, I can only guess it tripped and fell before it got to you.
Thursday, 21 May 2015
Sometimes I think I should introduce myself to my neighbors just so they don't describe me to the police as "Quiet and keeps to herself."
Just yelled "F, YOU GUYS!" to my students. Another perk of being a music teacher...
Wednesday, 20 May 2015
*Tim Burton slams hands on table* WTF DO U MEAN THERE ARE OTHER ACTORS BESIDES JOHNNY DEPP & MY WIFE *turns to Depp* HOW LONG HAVE U KNOWN
I fed the cows marijuana. The steaks have never been higher.
My dad and I were never that close. The company he worked for once had a "father-son" picnic and he invited his father
He who understands women, dies under mysterious circumstances…
Tuesday, 19 May 2015
Monday, 18 May 2015
[spiders pour into room] THEY'RE EVERYWHERE [group of tap dancers enter] ALRIGHT MEN THIS IS WHAT WE'VE TRAINED FOR
Sunday, 17 May 2015
Saturday, 16 May 2015
Ah Kiong stall. Simple and friendly. Famous neighbourhood prawn mee shop near low cost flat and also nearby to merc residence
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I’ve always had a difficult relationship with my parents. When I was first born I didn’t speak to them for 2 years.
A termite walked into a pub and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"
Can't believe i went to a play on my own. "How I learnt to accept reality by sleeping through it"
Friday, 15 May 2015
Interview: "What's your greatest weakness?" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?
Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?
Thursday, 14 May 2015
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
Did you know the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference? Why? Too much Pi.
What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.
Wednesday, 13 May 2015
Professor: what inspired you to write this essay? Me: the due date
Tuesday, 12 May 2015
[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he's a crossing guard dad
Monday, 11 May 2015
Co-worker: What's the difference between astronomy & astrology? Me: Approximately 50-60 IQ points.
I have two dogs. One named Rolex and one named Timex. They're watchdogs.
Sunday, 10 May 2015
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth, and won a toaster...
My Grandfather had the heart of lion and a lifetime ban from the Singapore zoo
"I just tried to make reservations at the library" You don't need a res- "Couldn't get one though" Don't do this "They were fully booked"
Saturday, 9 May 2015
I wonder why my mother-in-law don't trust me. All i did on this mother's day was to buy her a NEW life insurance.
Buddhist disciple: Master, is it proper for a monk to send e-mails? Monk: Yes. As long as there are no *attachments*
Do you ever see an opinion that’s so terrible that you actually feel bad for that person’s brain
At least 10% of divorces can be avoided by buying bigger blankets
Friday, 8 May 2015
some people said they take only 20 min to get ready in the morning. i take 20 min to even open my eyes.
mum: i want to meet your girlfriend me: yeah me too
Thursday, 7 May 2015
omen's magazines: 20 pages "accept yourself" 40 pages "loose 30kgs in 4 weeks" And Cake recipes..
Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
Wednesday, 6 May 2015
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