The rest of you just need to get fat because I don't feel like going to the gym anymore...
by Eddie Soh
September 01, 2015 at 01:36PM
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via IFTTTfrom Facebook
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Monday, 31 August 2015
5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?
Sunday, 30 August 2015
Told my wife the drink seller qualify to work for the ruling govt after calculating our drinks price wrongly. $3.40 - $4.40 ... 20k kah 100k ppl ah what's the difference
BERSIH Sunday night... patriotism is made in times like these.
We may be yellow But we are not mellow Perhaps just wanna say hello To those who live in the shadow We are no longer shallow Or be played like a stupid fellow Be ready for a volley of arrows From the awaken heroes.
We may be yellow But we are not mellow Perhaps just wanna say hello To those who live in the shadow We are no longer shallow Or be played like a stupid fellow Be ready for a volley of arrows From the awaken heroes.
by Eddie Soh
August 30, 2015 at 05:01PM
from Facebook
via IFTTTfrom Facebook
via IFTTT
by Eddie Soh
August 30, 2015 at 05:01PM
from Facebook
via IFTTTfrom Facebook
via IFTTT
Saturday, 29 August 2015
Drive thru BERSIH Sunday... bcoz we can
Friday, 28 August 2015
If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
Thursday, 27 August 2015
Just found a $5 bill in the dryer. -Adds money laundering to criminal resume.
[dogs around campfire] *flashlight on face* and when I came back without the ball it was in his hand the whole time
Wednesday, 26 August 2015
I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice
Vader: I AM your father. Luke: Why are you telling me this now? Vader: Luke: Vader: I need a kidney.
Today I learnt that our prime minister has been telling the truth all along. My bad. The 3 million people who supported him really exist. They are Singaporeans.
Tuesday, 25 August 2015
that one password you use for everything and if anyone ever found it out they could probably single-handedly ruin your life
if i got a dollar for every time i thought about you, i would start thinking about you
Monday, 24 August 2015
No thanks private caller, I don't even answer the phone when I know who it is
Having to share a room with your spouse is absolute nonsense. Even kids get their own rooms...
Sunday, 23 August 2015
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
[commercial for tupperware] Are you done with that food, but would rather throw it away in 3 weeks rather than right now? - Tupperware
Saturday, 22 August 2015
There is no better way to announce the GREAT Malaysian Sale than through our currency exchange.
I might look calm, but in my head I've punched you in the face three times.
I get ignored so much my name should be terms and conditions
Thursday, 20 August 2015
The Teen Choice Awards has to be the most legit award show because teens always make the best choices.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they'd put cocaine back in their recipe.
Wednesday, 19 August 2015
5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar. (Sounds very familiar)
How to win an argument with a woman: 1. Too late, you're already wrong.
Tuesday, 18 August 2015
"And why did you join our gym?" ▫️to stay healthy ▫️a friend recommended it ☑️ I've seen myself naked
I received a call from a charity asking me to donate clothes for starving people. Anyone who can fit into my clothes isn't starving!
Monday, 17 August 2015
ENTER PASSWORD password YOUR PASSWORD IS TOO LITERAL PLEASE TRY AGAIN again ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW
?leef uoy ekam taht did woh dnA" - reverse psychology
Sunday, 16 August 2015
Of course divorce is expensive. The price of freedom has always been high.
Friend: [showing baby photos] Me: Ah yes, very baby
Just because you can't dance, doesn't mean you shouldn't dance. -Alcohol
person: I like your name me: thanks, I got it for my birthday
Friday, 14 August 2015
"Go ahead caller" Why radio DJ's should never work a suicide hotline...
[sees kid crying] Kid: Im lost Me: that's ok. We're all lost. Happiness is an illusion. Life is meaningless. Death is around the corner. Bye
I feel pity for my wife sometimes when I review back my accidental selfie
Thursday, 13 August 2015
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
It's nice that lions don't mind looking like 80's rock stars.
Wednesday, 12 August 2015
5-year-old: What happens if the baby pees? Pregnant wife: She won't. She waits till she's born 5: Right. Just like no one pees in the pool
The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC...
Tuesday, 11 August 2015
The guy who discovered boomerangs must have been terrified
Toy Story (1995): A young boy's toy chest becomes possessed by haunted dolls, forcing the family to move away. But the dolls find him.
Monday, 10 August 2015
McDonalds …closing thigh gaps since 1967.
"Boss, I've got a probl-" "There are no such things as problems, only opportunities" "Oh, ok. I've got a serious drinking opportunity"
Sunday, 9 August 2015
Don't hate the game, hate the player who keeps sending you Facebook invites to play the game.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
Saturday, 8 August 2015
I can remember the names of most of the footballers on EPL but not those people I play futsal with for years
*throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up*
Friday, 7 August 2015
Me: How was your first day of school? 5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back?
My teacher was pointing a ruler at me an said, "There's an idiot at the end of this ruler!" I got detention after asking which end.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
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