Thursday, 1 October 2015
Daughter: Daddy, why do I have to go to bed so early? Me: Because we have had enough of you for today
If you say 'my cocaine' really loudly, you will sound exactly like Michael Caine saying his own name. I will never get tired of this.
Wednesday, 30 September 2015
Told my kid that he had a viral infection and now he’s excited because he thinks he’s going to be famous online.
PRO TIP: Name your first child "butter", then accidentally take a different baby home just so you can say "I can't believe it's not butter!”
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